


Trust

by RuddiestBubbles



Category: MindCrack RPF
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-04-06 04:37:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4208193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RuddiestBubbles/pseuds/RuddiestBubbles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt starts having trust issues when his relationship with Beef comes to an end, in a very terrible way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trust

Kurt's POV 

Me and Beef had been together for almost a year. Everyone always said we were the cutest couple, and obviously meant to be. That's what I thought too, but I'm not so sure anymore.

We added a new person to the server, Pause, he joined a few weeks ago. He is a nice person, but the way Beef looks at him is a little off putting. It's the way he looks at me, with this kind, gentle, loving look in his eyes. I keep telling myself it's nothing, it's just Beef trying to be friendly. 

I walk into the living room of the small apartment we share, to find Beef putting on his shoes.

"You going somewhere.... I thought we were going to watch the race together?" I ask 

"Oh... I'm going to help team Canada with a prank" Beef replies 

"Oh..." I say disappointed. 

Beef finishes tying his shoe and walks up to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. 

"I'm sorry, how about I make dinner for us when I get back." Beef says 

"Ok" I say still very disappointed

"Hey... don't be like this" Beef says obviously sensing my disappointment 

"But you've done this multiple times now" 

"I know, and I'm really sorry, but I can't just bail on them." 

"So you can't bail on them, but you can bail on me? your boyfriend of almost a year!" I say, stepping away from him

"I'm so sorry Kurt, I really am. I promise we will spend all day together tomorrow" 

Beef locks gazes with me, that kind, loving look in his eyes makes me melt. I can't stay mad at him. 

"Fine, but you better keep your promise" I say 

"I will" 

"Ok" 

"I got to go, I love you" 

"Love you too" 

Beef pulls me in for a kiss. After a few, long, breathless minutes he pulls away. Beef walks out the door with a wave. 

I stand there breathless in complete bliss. I don't think I could ever stay mad at him, I love him to much to.

I sit down and watch the race. 

It's 7:00 and there's no sign of Beef. maybe I should have known, should have guessed that he wouldn't be home to make us dinner. sigh.

I get up and head to the kitchen. I warm up left over spaghetti from the previous night. 

After I clean up my dishes I sit on the couch waiting for him to get back. 

It's almost 11 when a very drunk Beef walks... well stumbles through the front door. 

"Beef?" I ask 

"Hi Kurt!" Beef says excitedly when he notices me

"Why are you home so late?" 

"Oh, we finished the prank and went to a bar" 

I pinch the bridge of my nose, god was this frustrating. Beef doesn't usually drink, but ever since he meet Pause he's been out drinking more than anyone probably should.

Beef walks over to me and bends over slightly to kiss me. I try to enjoy the kiss, but the smell of alcohol radiating off him is overbearing. 

I pull away and scoot back slightly 

"What's wrong Kurt?" Beef ask, looking overly confused

"Oh... it's nothing. why don't we head to bed" I suggest 

Beef wiggles his eyebrows "I like that idea" 

Beef smirks and grabs my hand pulling me towards the bedroom. 

The second we get there Beef pins me to the bed, kissing me roughly. He start pulling at my clothes, trying and succeeding at pulling off my shirt and pajama pants. I pull away, panting. 

"Beef.... please don't" I say 

"But I want this Kurt" Beef responds 

Me and Beef had talked about this, albeit awkwardly, but we did. he promised he'd wait until I was ready and wouldn't pressure me.

"But you promised" 

"Do you know how badly I want this? How badly I want you? How hard it's been only being able to kiss you and cuddle you?"

"No I didn't know Beef" 

"Well you should've" 

"I'm so sorry Beef, I really am." 

Beef doesn't reply he just goes back to kissing me. maybe I should just let this happen, I didn't even realize that it was bugging Beef so much. 

I don't even try to stop Beef when he removes the only article of clothing I'm still wearing. (A/n I'm stopping there, but you can probably imagine what happens next) 

I woke up sore, and in a tangled mess with Beef. oh man.... maybe I shouldn't have let that happen.

There's a groan from beside me as Beef slowly opens his eyes. 

"Good morning Beef" I say quietly, knowing he will have a terrible head ache

"Man, what happened last night?" Beef asks moving a hand to block a beam of sunlight 

"oh....." Beef says, noticing my lac of clothing. 

I send him a sad smile. 

"I didn't force this on you, did I?" Beef asks 

"Maybe....." I say quietly 

"I'm sorry" 

"Well maybe if you didn't come home drunk of your ass then it wouldn't have been a problem." I say, a little more anger in my voice than I intended 

"Well maybe if you had been a little more open and less shy I wouldn't have to go out drinking with the guys!" 

"What does my shyness have to do with any of this?!" 

"You are always so conserved and keep to yourself! and I don't just mean your thoughts! you've always been hesitant about everything!" 

"That's just who I am! you knew that coming into this relationship! if that was bugging you than why did you stay with me?!?"

"Because I loved you!" 

"Loved!! what do you mean loved? I thought you still love me!" 

"No, I guess I don't! Pause is so much better than you!" Beef yells

I literally feel my heart break. how could he.

"You've been sleeping with Pause?!?! after everything! then you guilted me into sleeping with you, even though you didn't love me anymore?" I yell tears streaming down my face 

"Yes! I needed someone" 

"But you had me!" 

"But I didn't have all of you!"

"But after everything we've been through. I... I.... trusted you! and you threw that trust back in my face!" 

"Maybe we were never supposed to be together!" Beef yells

"No I don't think we were!" I yell back all of my anger and pent up feelings finally coming out. 

I grab my clothes that had been thrown to the floor and storm out of the room. I quickly pull on my clothes and walk out of the apartment. I walk down the road leading away from bling towers, wiping away the tears and trying to stop the rest from falling. I walk with my head down trying to hide the fact that I'm feeling completely broken.

I continue walking till I can't walk anymore, I collapse against a tree, not caring that the bark scratches my back. I feel so numb.... so broken.... so betrayed. I let the tears fall, not caring anymore. I feel like my hearts been ripped out of my chest. 

I feel a few raindrops hit my head. it wouldn't be Mindcrack without rain, though it seems quiet fitting. I just sit there letting myself get soaked, not caring where I am or what will happen to me. 

Beef's POV 

I watched Kurt storm out of the room tears streaming down his face. did we really just end things? I feel terrible that we yelled at each other and got into a huge fight. is that really the last memories of our relationship, us fighting.

I've never actually seen Kurt that upset, I've never even heard him raise his voice. why did I have to be such an ass? I ruined a great relationship. I could've just talked to Kurt, told him how I felt so I would have to make a drunken mistake. maybe I shouldn't have even went to that bar. 

That's when memories from yesterday came flooding back. team Canada doing a prank on Mhykol, then Etho heading home and me and Pause heading to a bar. us drinking more than we probably should, then some how us getting to Pause's place. then me and Pause sleeping together... again. then I managed to get home and find Kurt still awake on the couch, pulling him to the bedroom and pinning him to the bed and then us sleeping together. man I really screwed up, but maybe that actually showed me something, I actually really do like Pause more, no matter how much me and Kurt had been through, Pause was just so much more .....exciting than Kurt.

I get up and take some medicine and get dressed and head to Pause's place. 

I walk into his bedroom to find him fast asleep. I pull up the covers and slid into bed next to him. Pause slowly opens his eyes. 

"Good morning Beef" Pause says around a yawn 

"Hi Pausey" I reply 

"Wait... won't Kurt get suspicious if you don't go home?" 

"No.... I went home last night and well ended up sleeping with him.... then just a little while ago we got into a huge fight and Kurt ended things" I explain 

"Oh, I'm sorry Beef"

"It's ok, I guess" 

"At least we won't have to keep our relationship a secret anymore." 

"Yeah! we won't have to hide anymore" 

Zisteau's POV 

I was on my way home from spawn when it started pouring. I started running, in hopes that I wouldn't get too wet. I was about to close the door to my temporary base when I saw a person in pajamas slumped against a tree. I run over to the tree to find Kurt. 

"Kurt?" I ask 

I get no response. 

"Kurt" I say shaking his shoulder slightly.. his skin feels as cold as ice

Kurt's eyes slowly open, looking hazed. 

"Lets get you inside" I say pulling him up 

I start walking but Kurt doesn't even try, its like he's just given up. I pick him up and carry him into my base. I lay him on the couch and grab some dry clothes for both of us. 

I head back to the living room to find Kurt curled up in a fetal position shivering. 

"Kurt, you ok?" I ask 

Kurt lifts up his head slightly, tears streaming down his face, he shakes his head. 

"Here's some clothes, why don't you go change" I say gently 

He nods and shakily stands up and takes the clothes and leaves the room. 

Something really serious must have happened, I've never seen Kurt like this. 

I head to the kitchen and make Kurt a big mug of coffee and find a blanket. when I get back the living room Kurt is hugging his knees and has his face buried in his hands. 

I sit down beside him and gently rub his back. Kurt looks up again, his eyes show one emotion that I never thought I would see there, brokenness. he looks completely lost, like he's just given up and doesn't have the strength or will to keep going. 

I hand him the blanket and the coffee cup. he shakily takes a sip before setting it down. 

"You want to talk?" I ask gently

Kurt looks at me with his blank blue eyes and shrugs. 

This really must be serious. 

"Do you want me to leave you alone for a few minutes?" I ask 

"No.... please.... don't.... leave" Kurt says slowly and puts a hand on my arm. 

I put my hand over his, trying to comfort him. 

"Do you want me to call Beef?" I ask, knowing they are together 

Kurt's head shoots up, tears starting to form again "no!" 

Um.... ok? 

"Did something happen?" I ask gently 

"He...he's sleeping with Pause" Kurt says sobbing 

Oh... my.. god... no wonder Kurt is so upset. I can't believe Beef, why would he do that to Kurt. 

"I'm so sorry Kurt" I say 

Kurt collapses against my chest, his tears slowly seeping into my shirt. I wrap my arms around him, trying to comfort him. 

Holding Kurt close like this is so nice, even if he is having an emotional breakdown. I have a huge crush on Kurt. He is the most adorable dork I've ever meet. I don't honestly know how I couldn't like him, he loves racing, video games, but most of all space. If you mention it or ask him a question about it, he lights up and talks for long periods of time, which is unlike his quiet, shy self.

I don't know how long we sit like that but Kurt eventually move away from me. 

"You gonna be ok?" I ask 

"Probably not" Kurt replies quietly 

"Do you want to talk or just be left alone?" 

"Um.... have you ever felt so lost and so broken that you just can't even think straight?" 

"No, not really" 

"That's what it feels like, I've literally had my heart ripped out of my chest." 

I stay quiet and listen 

"Beef had been hanging out with team Canada a lot more than he was spending time with me. we were supposed to watch the race together yesterday, but when I went into the living room he was putting on his shoes."

Kurt pauses

"When he came home he was drunk. we ended up in the bedroom with me pinned to the bed. I begged Beef not go any further but he guilted me into it, saying that he really wanted me and that it was hard only being able to cuddle and kiss me. so I didn't stop him, I just let it happen even though I wasn't ready for that, I wasn't comfortable with it."

Kurt pauses again and wipes away some tears.

"When I woke up in the morning I was sore and regretted letting that happen. that's when he woke up and asked what happened, before noticing my lac of clothes. Then we got in this huge fight, him blaming my shyness for the whole situation. then the worst part... he said that Pause was so much better than me..... then he said that we were never supposed to be together.... I agreed and left."

"I know I'm a quiet and shy person that has a hard time trusting people, but I trusted Beef all the way, I opened up to him unlike any other person. I loved him. but... but he betrayed everything, he betrayed me...." 

"I don't know if I will ever be able to trust anyone again... not even myself" 

Kurt's sobbing again when he finally finishes talking. 

I can't believe this, not at all. how could someone hurt someone so innocent, so amazing, so... perfect. I just can't comprehend it.

I open my arms offering a hug to Kurt, who accepts and sobs onto my shoulder. I rub his back, attempting to comfort him.

~~~~

Kurt has been staying at my place for the past week, he hasn't really left and isn't eating much, or sleeping much, I'm really, really worried about him. 

When I first found him out cold and freezing to death under that tree I knew it was bad... but not this bad. Kurt really did fall for Beef and he fell hard, he put everything into that relationship and Beef betrayed him in the worst way possible, by sleeping with someone else. 

I really need to get Kurt out of the house, get him moving. 

I walk up to the room I arranged for Kurt and knock. 

I hear a quiet "go away" from within.

"Kurt.... please, can I come in and talk to you?" I ask gently

"Fine" 

I open the door and find Kurt sitting in the dark. I flip on the lights and Kurt puts a hand in front of his eyes, shielding them from the light.

I sit on the edge of the bed. Kurt moves his hand and I notice the dark circles under his eyes, and how pale he looks. 

"Kurt... I was thinking that we should go on a walk today, and maybe get some lunch.... you really need to get out of the house" I say gently 

"I.... I don't know Zisteau.... I just don't have the motivation I guess" Kurt replies with a sigh. 

"Please Kurt, you've got to do something besides sit in here and mope"

"Fine, i'll be ready to go in a little while" Kurt replies

"Great" I say and leave the room.

I sit on the couch and wait.

Kurt emerges from his room almost 40 minutes later. he is wearing a pair of blue jeans, a T-shirt, and his red converse. his hair still kinda messy and a little bit of stubble lining his chin, which honestly makes him look quiet adorable. 

"You ready to go?" I ask 

"I guess" Kurt replies 

We walk out the door in a companionable silence. I lead him to the royal chicken, were Blame is updating some redstone. 

Blame notices us and waves "hi Kurt, Z" 

"Hi" I reply 

"How are you and Beef doing Kurt?" Blame asks

I hear Kurt take in sharp breath.

I turn to him "why don't you head in and get us some food, i'll meet you in there" I say gently 

Kurt nods and heads inside

"What's up with him?" Blame asks

"He went through a nasty breakup with Beef" I say 

"Oh... what happened?"

"Beef was sleeping with Pause"

"Oh, man, that's terrible" 

"Yeah... I'm gonna join Kurt inside" I say and wave as I walk through the door.

Kurt is siting at a table with two plates of chicken, his head in his hands. I walk over and sit down across from him. 

"You ok?" I ask 

"No" Kurt replies

"Hey, it's ok" I say placing a hand on his arm, I feel him tense up slightly 

"I.... I just miss him, so much.... I know I should be mad at him, but I just can't.... I love him so much" Kurt says tears streaming down his face. 

"I know Kurt" 

"I don't know if I will ever get over him" Kurt admits with a heavy sadness in his eyes, it makes my heart ache

"You will eventually" 

"But how? we were together for almost a year, an amazing great year, full of laughs, smiles, cuddles, and kisses. but he was also with Pause.... maybe Pause really is better than me.... I bet Beef is happier with him than me.... I'm just so useless." 

"Kurt, don't think that, you are not useless... just because Beef made a stupid mistake doesn't mean you have to suffer. you should enjoy life, don't let Beef hold you down"

"I guess..." 

I start eating my chicken, Kurt just picks at his. 

"Kurt, why don't you eat, you haven't eaten anything all week, your getting incredibly thin." I say 

"I just.... don't feel like eating... I guess"

"Can you at least try, please?" 

"I guess" Kurt says

I finish off my chicken, Kurt surprisingly eats most of his.

"Can... can we just head home?" Kurt asks, looking drained 

"Yeah" I respond

We head out. we are about to step through the portal to the nether hub when Pause and Beef come around the corner laughing and holding hands. 

Kurt stops dead in his tracks, I can tell this is tearing him apart, literally. 

"Hi Zisteau, Kurt" Beef says 

"Hi" I say flatly

"How are you doing Kurt?" Beef ask, a worried expression on his face.

Kurt has that blank look in his eyes again. Kurt just shrugs. 

"Well we gotta get going bye" I say and grab Kurt's arm, pulling him through the portal. 

Beef's POV 

We turn the corner and see Z and Kurt walking.... Kurt stops dead in his tracks when he sees me. he looks terrible. he has dark circles under his eyes and is oddly pale. But worst of all, he is extremely thin. he has always been tall and lanky, but this, this isn't healthy. I wonder if he is even eating? it makes my heart ache seeing him like this. 

"Hi Zisteau, Kurt" I say 

"Hi" Z says with an edge to his voice

"How are you doing Kurt?" I ask 

Kurt shrugs his shoulders, looking lost, broken... and I caused it, I caused him to feel that way.

"Well we gotta get going, bye" Z says and pulls Kurt through the portal. 

I feel like a complete jackass for causing Kurt that much pain. 

"You ok Beef?" Pause asks 

"no...." I respond 

 

"It's Kurt, isn't it?" 

"I.. just hate seeing what I caused.... he looked terrible." 

"It's ok Beef, he will be ok" 

"I hope so...." 

Zisteau's POV 

We step through the portal and Kurt's knees give out and he sinks to the ground, sobbing. 

I sit down beside him "Kurt" I say gently 

"I... I... thought I was getting better, but seeing him happy with Pause only makes it worse.... I still love him Z... I think I always will." Kurt says 

It kinda hurts to hear him say that, but I suppress any of those feelings.

"It's ok Kurt, it's only been a week, it will take some time." 

"I just don't know how many more sleepless nights I can take, how many more days I can take sitting alone, wallowing in pain." 

"Kurt...."

"Do...do you know how hard it was afterwards to realize that Beef used me..... but I let myself be used. I thought if I did maybe he wouldn't be with team Canada as much, that he'd be with me more.... but what did I get, the exact opposite..... I let him do that to me Z, I didn't even try to stop him, I just let him have his way, and it was all because I loved him, I was afraid of loosing him." Kurt says 

Wow.... That's the most honest and personal thing I've ever heard Kurt say to anyone, not even Beef. maybe that means Kurt's actually starting to trust me... I can only hope. 

"Kurt, I know it's hard, but you will get through this" 

"I... I...." 

"I'm hear for you Kurt, remember that."

"T-thanks Z" Kurt replies and hugs me, I comply by wrapping my arms around him tightly, hugging back, relishing the feeling of holding him close.

All to soon Kurt moves away from me. he actually looks kinda happy, which is a drastic change from his usual depressed look. 

"You ready to head back?" I ask 

"Ummm... actually, I'm gonna go work on digging out the silo.... I miss working in it" Kurt says 

"Ok, i'll be at the lens if you need me." I say

"Bye" Kurt says with a wave and walks away.

Wow, that was a drastic change. hopefully he will be ok.....

Kurt's POV 

I wave to Z as I walk towards my tunnel. I glance back and Z has a confused look on his face. hugging Z definitely helped. just being around Z helps make the pain that much more bearable

I really just need to take my mind off of everything that's been happening, and digging the silo always helped. 

I get there and find the diamond pick I abandoned in a chest and start digging. 

Just giving myself one task to focus on really helps, then my mind doesn't wander.... too much. I actually didn't think about Beef, I was thinking about Z. not anything in particular, just him in general.

I didn't even notice how much time passed until I heard someone call my name. I finish the block I was working on and put my pick away. 

I turn around and see Beef standing in the doorway to the small underground shack I had built. 

"Hi Beef" I say walking up to him and wrapping my arms around his waist, like I would normally do.

I instantly realize what I did and jumped back, tears starting to form. 

"What do you want?" I ask trying so hard not to cry. 

"I... just wanted to say I'm sorry... for everything." Beef says 

"It's to late for that...." I say feeling a few tears slowly falling.

"... Kurt" Beef says gently, that loving look in his eyes.

I look away from him, I can't fall for that again, I can't give in. 

Beef gently moves my head so I'm looking at him again. He wipes away a few tears with the pad of his thumb. I shudder and lean into his touch. 

"I'm so, so, sorry Kurt, please forgive me." Beef says casting that irresistible gaze on me. 

"I...I...I..." I stutter. 

Beef moves closer and gently presses his lips against mine. My eyes flutter shut and I gently kiss back, my fingers tangling in his hair, his arms wrapped around my waist holding me close. 

I finally pull away. that feeling of complete bliss the only thing my brain can register. I just stand there starring at Beef. 

My brain finally catches up and I take a few steps back, tears falling freely.

"Go..go away" I manage sobbing

"But Kurt...." Beef replies

"You... can't trick... me again... I won't let you" 

"Trick you?" 

"You tricked me into trusting you... into loving you.... I gave everything I had to our relationship and you threw it back in my face..." 

"Kurt..." 

"Go" I whisper 

Beef lowers his head and leaves. I sink to the floor, hating everything, but mostly myself. 

Beef's POV

I lower my head and walk out, I had just wanted to make things right between me and Kurt, but my feelings got the better of me and just couldn't resist kissing him, holding him close. I know I have Pause now and I really do love him, but it isn't anything like I feel towards Kurt, I know he isn't as exciting, but he was my shy, quiet, loving boyfriend. I made the biggest mistake of my life.... I just want Kurt back.

Zisteau's POV 

I'm a little worried about Kurt, I know he has a place set up at the silo, but I kinda thought he might come back... maybe I should check on him...

I hear my phone ring. it's Kurt. 

"Hey Kurt" I say 

"Umm, hi, is this Zisteau?" a person I don't recogniz asks

"Yes..." 

"Your friend, Kurt, is at the bar, passed out, could you come get him?"

"Yeah, be there soon." I say and end the call

Oh no. I can't believe he went out drinking. 

I speed walk all the way there. I get there and find Kurt passed out on a stool, his head on the counter. his face is puffy and red. 

I walk over to him and shake his shoulder slightly "Kurt" 

He slowly opens his eyes, they look hazy and emotionless. 

"Kurt, come on let's head home" I say gently, putting a hand on his arm

"Z?" Kurt asks looking overly confused. 

"Yeah, it's me Kurt" 

Kurt attempts to sits up, but looses his balance and falls, I barely manage to catch him. I pull him up and he leans against me. 

"How much did he drink?" I ask the bar tender

"A lot" he replies 

"Ok... let's head home Kurt" I say and wrap an arm around his waist, attempting to help him keep his balance.

We make it back to my temporary house, with only a minimal amount of struggling. I help Kurt to his room, and onto the bed. I'm about to leave when I feel Kurt grab my hand, my heart skips a beat.

"Um... Kurt?" I ask, blushing like crazy

"Stay....." Kurt mumbles 

"I don't think I should" 

"Please.... I... just.... need.... someone" Kurt says slowly

"Okay..." 

I climb into bed beside him and he basically attaches himself to me, by wrapping his arms around me tightly. I'm blushing like crazy... but this feels so right, Kurt holding me close. 

"Thanks Z" Kurt says and kisses my check.

I feel my face heat up, oh... my... god. Kurt kissed me.... sorta...

"No problem" I say 

Kurt has his head on my chest, fast asleep. he looks so peaceful... so handsome... so perfect

I press a feather light kiss onto his forehead. "Good night my little Farlander." 

Kurt mumbles something incoherent and cuddles closer to me. I wish it could always be like this.

Kurt's POV 

I feel consciousness seep into my body, a very bad headache making itself known. oh man, how much did I drink? even though I'm in pain, I actually don't feel tired. I open my eyes and am blinded by a beam of sunlight. I move my hand to block the light. 

I see a person with there arms around me, holding me close... wait, why is Zisteau sleeping beside me? As much as my mind is yelling at me to move, to get away, I don't move, I just lay there enjoying how it feels to be this close to Z.

I lay my head on his chest. this is so nice, i miss walking up in Beef's arms.... no, no don't think about him, it will only make things worse. I let the slow rise and fall of Z's chest soothe me.

I slowly open my eyes. Z is also awake now, he is staring at me with this loving look in his brown eyes. his blonde hair slightly covering his eyes. I brush the hair out of the way, a small smile forming on my face.

Zisteau's POV

I woke up cuddled against Kurt. He has his head on my chest, peacefully sleeping. I didn't have the heart to move and chance walking him up, so I lay there just looking at him. I wish I could wake up like this every morning. 

Kurt opens his eyes and looks at me. He brushes some hair out of my face, a small smile forming. this makes me so incredibly happy. I lean in and gently press my lips against Kurt's. He slowly kisses back.

After a long breathless minute, I pull away. the emotionless look from Kurt's amazing blue eyes is replaced by pure happiness, something I haven't seen there in to long. 

Kurt's POV

Z pulls away. I just stare at Z, that feel of complete bliss I only ever felt with Beef, the only thing I can feel.

Can I really be falling for some one else after only a week away from Beef? but here I am staring at this amazing person, and all I want is him.

"How are you feeling?" Z asks 

"Perfect.... absolutely perfect." I mumble 

Z smiles lovingly at me "I'm glad" 

"Me too"

I finally feel that weight lift off my shoulders. the pain in my heart finally lifting. 

"I don't mean to kill the mood but, why were you in my bed in the first place?" I ask 

"You went to a bar and got drunk and passed out, so I came and got you. when I went to leave the room you grabbed my hand, asking me to stay... I didn't have the heart to say no" Z explains 

"Oh.... I'm sorry, I was probably terrible to deal with" I say

"It's ok... but why did you go drinking?"

"Ummm" I say trying to remember what happened. 

The whole incident with Beef comes flooding back. I feel tears start to form. 

"Beef showed up at the silo... and I stupidly did what I always had and wrapped him in my arms. I realized and instantly stepped back. I asked why he was there and he said he wanted to say he was sorry for everything. I ended up crying again and he wiped away some tears. then he kissed me and I kissed back. then I told him to go away, which he did. that's when I headed to the bar." I explain.

"Oh.... Kurt, I'm so sorry you have to go through this" Z says putting a hand on my arm 

I put my hand over his "I think I might be ok now.... and thanks Z, you are truly amazing." 

Z's face turns pink "you are too" 

I nuzzle into Z and just lay there, finally feeling happy. 

Beef's POV 

I push the food around my plate with my fork, a heavy weight on my shoulders. I want Kurt back so much. 

"Beef?" Pause asks a worried look on his face

"What?" I ask 

"You ok? you've been acting weird since last night"

"I dunno" 

"What's wrong?"

"I... I just feel like I've done something so terribly stupid... I've hurt someone who was always there for me... and I never realized how good I had it till he was gone." 

"Kurt?" 

I scrub a hand over my face, just hearing his name makes the guilt worse. 

"Yeah...." 

Pause walks over to me and rubs my shoulders "go ahead, talk, I'm listening"

I lean into his touch

"I never thought I could miss someone so much... I regret what I've done, I shouldn't have ever done anything to hurt Kurt. I really did love him Pause... I still do" 

"What about me?" Pause asks 

"Of course I love you Pause..... but that doesn't change my feelings for Kurt" 

"I love you too." Pause says and kisses my head

We sit in a comfortable silence.

"What happened last night, before you came home?" Pause asks breaking the silence

"Oh... I went to say sorry to Kurt and my emotions got the better of me and I kissed him and he kissed back. then he told me to leave, and I did. but for one minute when he kissed me, I thought I might actually be able to have him back."

"I'm sorry Beef"

"I miss him so much Pause" I say and collapse onto his chest, sobbing

"It's ok Beef I gotcha" Pause says holding me

Zisteau's POV 

Kurt walks out of the bathroom, the stubble gone and his hair neatly groomed. he is wearing jeans, a red T-shirt, and his red converse. he looks great. 

"You ready?" I ask 

"Yeah" Kurt replies with a smile 

I smile back at him and intertwine our fingers.

We head on a walk, just enjoying each others company, the sunshine, and the light breeze.

I see Pause and Beef further down the path we were walking on. I feel Kurt's grip tighten on my hand. I stop walking and pull him off to the side slightly. I pull Kurt into a long, passionate kiss.

Beef's POV

Me and Pause went out for a walk, mainly to help clear my mind. 

We were on an old gravel path through a forest when I see Z and Kurt walking towards us. I squint to see better against the bright sun. I notice how close they are... wait... there holding hands! I feel my heart break... again.

Z stops and pulls Kurt off to the side and brings him into a kiss. 

I stop dead in my tracks. this.... this hurts... I feel so broken. maybe this is what Kurt felt like when he found out about Pause. I know it shouldn't bug me since we aren't together but, I feel like I'm being torn apart.

Pause pulls me away from the scene. he must know how much this is tearing me apart.

Kurt's POV 

We were walking down an old gravel path, through a beautiful forest, when I saw Pause and Beef walking towards us. I don't feel as sad about seeing Beef this time but, there's still a little bit of sadness there. I tighten my grip on Z's hand slightly. 

Z stops and pulls me off to the side. I send him a questioning look, but the only answer I get is Z pressing his lips against mine. I instantly kiss back, and it's only me and Z in the world at that moment... which I'm perfectly ok with.

I don't know how long we stay like that but I eventually pull away, in complete bliss... god did I love this man.... wait love? when did this turn into love? but can I really trust letting myself love someone again.... what if he cheats on me.... what if.... 

"Kurt?" Z asks breaking me from my thoughts

"What?" I ask

"You ok?" 

I shrug

"Your doubting yourself, right?"

It's like he's reading my mind. he knows exactly what I'm thinking, exactly what's bugging me. not even Beef could do that, no one I knew before Z could.

"Yeah..... I just don't know if I can trust myself.... or you.... I mean I want to be able to but I'm just not sure Z." 

"Kurt..... it's perfectly ok. I know you have trust issues right now... but I'm not going to let that stop me from trying to earn your trust.... because I already trust you and you have become so incredibly important in my life.... and I honestly don't know how I could be without you anymore"

I want so terribly to trust him and myself. maybe I should just say screw it and take the chance. I'll never find out what could come from this unless I take that chance... 

Screw it. I cup Z's cheeks and bring him into a long, passionate kiss. 

I finally pull away "I love you Zisteau"

There is a look of surprise on Zisteau's face. We both know me saying that means so much more than the word itself means. it implies that I'm willing to trust him completely, that I won't doubt anything, and I'm willing to take that chance. 

"I love you too." Z replies with a loving smile 

~~~~

Taking that chance 2 weeks ago was probably the best decision I've ever made. I'm honestly happier now than I'd ever been... even with Beef.

Just the mention of Beef doesn't make me breakdown anymore, and it's mostly thanks to Zisteau, my amazing boyfriend. 

Z walks into the room. 

"Hi" I say wrapping my arms around his waist

"Hi to you too." Z replies 

I notice he has his jacket on

"You going somewhere?" 

"Yeah, I'm going to the store to get the stuff to make dinner for us" 

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "ok" 

"Relax... I'm not going to do what Beef did." Z replies

"I know.... just paranoid" 

"You know I would never leave you, or do anything to hurt you." 

I never realized how true that was.... I know Z would never do that... I trust him completely, something I thought I wouldn't be able to do again.... especially after Beef. but here I am, in the arms of the man I fell for.

"I know. I love you"

"Love you too."

I lean in and give Z a quick kiss.

"I'll see you when I get back." Z says

"Ok" I reply

I give him another quick kiss and he heads out. 

I sit on the couch and pull out a book to read. the snapping of pistons from the ender-vator pulls me from my reading. 

Beef's POV

I miss Kurt so much... I just have to see him, to tell him how terribly sorry I am... how much I want him back. I would give up anything to have him back.... including Pause.

I throw the last enderpearl to get to the top of the lens. I step onto the cool sandstone and look around for either Kurt or Z

I find Kurt siting on a couch Indian style, a book resting open on his legs.

"Kurt....." I say

"Hi Beef, you need something?" Kurt asks casually

"I... I just miss you Kurt.... so much.... and... and I'm so, so sorry Kurt. I regret everything I've done... please Kurt, I just want you back... please" I say tears streaming down my face

"I'm sorry Beef, but I'm with Z now" 

"But... Kurt.... I love you" 

"Beef, I did love you, and I may always have feelings for you, but I'm extremely happy with Zisteau."

"Please..." I whisper 

Kurt gets up and walks over to me. he puts a hand on my arm.

"Beef, you are an amazing person, and Pause loves you, so don't worry about me, you have him. just keep your head up. everything will be better, promise. don't let our relationship just be the past, always remember it, and cherish it, and remember I did love you." Kurt says and kisses my cheek.

My heart skips a beat. 

"I'll try.... but I still love you." I respond

"I know" 

I turn and leave before I embarrass myself further. maybe I should try to move on, I do have Pause....

Kurt's POV

I watched Beef leave, his mood is better... I think. I sit back down and continue reading. 

I hear the snap of pistons again. I see Z walk in with a bunch of grocery bags. I get up and take some of the bags from him. 

"What are you planning on making?" I ask

"Spaghetti and meatballs." Z replies

"Awesome" I reply and sit the bags on the table

Z pulls a bottle of something out of a bag "I even got some red wine"

"Perfect"

Z start making the spaghetti. 

"Do you want my help?" I ask

"Nope, this is all me. you just sit back and relax my little farlander." Z replies glancing over his shoulder at me. 

"You sure?"

"Positive"

"Ok" I say and head back to the living room to read

Z comes into the living room a little while later. 

"Foods ready if you want some" Z says

I smile at him and we head into the dining room. the dining room lights are dimmed and the table is candle lit. there is two wine glasses and the bottle, along with the two plates of food. I'm totally shocked... I can't believe this.

"Z.... you are to good to me" I say

"I just wanted to do something special for you" Z says 

"But you've already done so much for me" 

"But your special to me Kurt, I could never do to much for you"

I just look at him... how do I deserve someone so amazing.... so perfect.

"I love you so much" I say and give him a big hug

"I love you too" Z replies hugging me back 

We enjoy our lovely dinner and eventually head to bed.

I lay there looking at a peacefully sleeping Zisteau, the moonlight making Z look all the more amazing.

How or why I ever ended up with Z i'll never know, but I'm glad I did, all the pain I went through was definitely worth it. And when it comes down to it, it's about the journey not the destination and so far mine has been a crazy, glorious one.


End file.
